It's 12:01 a.m. and I have been lying in bed for the last twenty minutes listening to the baby cry. Guess what my hubbie is doing...that's right, snoring! Why is it that men can sleep right through a crying baby and moms can't? Why does it physically hurt me deep inside when the baby cries, and my husband tunes it out by turning the TV up even louder?
Tonight the baby is performing a new trick - rolling over onto his tummy and then nearly suffocating face down into the mattress. I have gone in several times to flip the poor thing back over, which makes him even more upset because I then leave. The doctor said not to worry about SIDS after they can roll over themselves, but he can only roll from back to belly - not back again.
He has probably been doing this rolling thing all night. After all, he has been in there since 6 p.m. - doctor's orders (must put him down wide awake so he learns to fall asleep by himself). It's just that we were out in the other room eating dinner (leftover tacos and queso) and watching a waste of a movie ("Fools Gold" with Kate Hudson). We probably just didn't hear the baby the whole time until now. I can't even believe I am up this late considering that I will be up again at 3 a.m. for his nightly feeding. That's when I catch up on my HGTV. I like this one show called "Sleep On It" where the people get to sleep in the house they are thinking about buying. How cool is that! I wish we had gotten to do that. Anyway, I digress.
I'm thinking a lot about a family friend tonight. Her name is Maddie. She is 25 and has been diagnosed with a type of blood cancer called myeloma. She woke up one day earlier this month and had blurry vision. That led to an MRI and blood work...and then the most awful news of cancer. She has been writing a blog every day from her hospital room - www.maddiebahar.blogspot.com. I looked up myeloma on wikipedia and it said that most people only survive 3 years (some sites say with certain treatments the survival rate can be much longer. Let's pray for that!). I can't imagine what her mother must be going through. To think that she probably worried like I am over the crib when Maddie was a baby, saw her through loosing her first tooth, learning to ride a bike, ballet recitals, her first heartbreak, and even her college graduation. I bet she never thought something like this would happen to her baby at 25! I've been praying that Maddie can beat this and live to walk down the aisle with her prince charming. She wants to dance her first dance to Michael Buble's "Everything". You can watch the video at:
After watching/listening to that song, check out the one called "Home" - that is my favorite.
12:18 and my husband is snoring louder than a train. He's on his back again. Unlike the baby, I desperately want him to flip over!!! He doesn't snore when he's on his side or stomach. I thought writing this blog would make me tired, but it's not. I am getting more and more awake. Ugh! Why am I not tired? I am always tired!!
Random question of the night - why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? Discuss amongst yourselves.
Well, shoot...still wide awake but nothing to say. My mind is actually a blank. Big poo poo head is still snoring like a fire breathing dragon. I think I'm getting a hot flash. Must get a diet coke.
12:29 a.m. No diaper duty at this hour!
P.S. Lincoln ate the FIRST thing I served him for dinner tonight...chicken fried rice. He loved it. Go figure!
Friday, June 20, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Random Thursday Thoughts
The baby is sleeping right now. I just worked out at the apartment gym - Yay Me! You go girl! HGTV is a great source of entertainment while on the treadmill. I had to remind myself not to hold on...for you Biggest Loser fans, you will remember Jillian yelling at that fat dope of a husband to let go! For every minute he held on, Jillian would make the other contestants go another five minutes. Needless-to-say he was voted off quickly. I took a shower and my hair is falling out like crazy. Parenting Magazine says it's totally normal, but every time I shower or brush it's like a squirrel is born. It's creepy! After Lincoln was born I actually had a bald spot in the front of my head.
Wait...more random thoughts coming...for you parents out there, have you ever had to put your child directly into the bath tub because their diahrea was so stuck to their behinds? I know, yucky thought, but it happened yesterday morning and it caused Lincoln's little balls to swell up. Poor baby! Mary, our daycare lady, had to deal with him all day after he had been up since 3 a.m. Not a pretty sight! I picked him up at 3:30 and couldn't even deal with him for two hours. His butt was in bed at 5:30! He chose to sleep in the pack-and-play again. Weird! I thought he loved his big boy bed. At least he is not banging his head on the door to get out. He actually caused his dumb self to have a nose bleed the other day...my mom fell for it and ended nap time after 15 minutes. We came home and mom and Lincoln were out on the patio with every bowl, cup, and big spoon we own having a blast. Lincoln was sporting a soggy diaper and a smile, and our carpet was soaked from mom's endless trips to the kitchen to get Lincoln more water.
Still catering to Lincoln's every wish. Have a hard time saying NO, but I really have to. He is driving me crazy. This morning he asked for cookies, chips (pips), noodles, yogurt (gert), apple sauce, lemonade, and milk. I took his order like a freaking waitress and he only ate 1/2 the yogurt, 1/2 the applesauce, and about two sips of milk. He did make a lovely little mess on the carpet by crushing the chips and then stomping on them. I put myself in time out after that one!
For you moms out there...how many dinners do you make for your toddlers? When they don't want what you have fixed, is that it? Or, do you get out your order pad and open up Mom's Diner? My husband thinks one meal should be it. If Lincoln doesn't eat, then too bad! He'll learn. Hmmm...
Song of the day - 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton. I danced around our cramped apartment bedroom, probably looking like an idiot while the song was playing on iTunes. Carter was literally laughing at me. It made me feel good.
Tonight's dinner - Tacos with homemade queso (Velveeta and Rotel). Yum!
Excitement #1 - We are moving into our new house next week! Yippee! Can't wait to get unpacked. Honey, if you are reading this...everything will have it's place in this house! No more piles on the dining room table! Got it?
Excitement #2 - We booked airline tickets last night for a romantic getaway to Florida in July! We are planning to go to Disney for two days - back to the scene of our awesome honeymoon. Dad has a hot tub at his house. Yeah boy! I am so excited. Oh, biggest news...the kids are staying with Mary! Best money we'll ever spend!
Baby is awake! Gotta do diaper duty.
Wait...more random thoughts coming...for you parents out there, have you ever had to put your child directly into the bath tub because their diahrea was so stuck to their behinds? I know, yucky thought, but it happened yesterday morning and it caused Lincoln's little balls to swell up. Poor baby! Mary, our daycare lady, had to deal with him all day after he had been up since 3 a.m. Not a pretty sight! I picked him up at 3:30 and couldn't even deal with him for two hours. His butt was in bed at 5:30! He chose to sleep in the pack-and-play again. Weird! I thought he loved his big boy bed. At least he is not banging his head on the door to get out. He actually caused his dumb self to have a nose bleed the other day...my mom fell for it and ended nap time after 15 minutes. We came home and mom and Lincoln were out on the patio with every bowl, cup, and big spoon we own having a blast. Lincoln was sporting a soggy diaper and a smile, and our carpet was soaked from mom's endless trips to the kitchen to get Lincoln more water.
Still catering to Lincoln's every wish. Have a hard time saying NO, but I really have to. He is driving me crazy. This morning he asked for cookies, chips (pips), noodles, yogurt (gert), apple sauce, lemonade, and milk. I took his order like a freaking waitress and he only ate 1/2 the yogurt, 1/2 the applesauce, and about two sips of milk. He did make a lovely little mess on the carpet by crushing the chips and then stomping on them. I put myself in time out after that one!
For you moms out there...how many dinners do you make for your toddlers? When they don't want what you have fixed, is that it? Or, do you get out your order pad and open up Mom's Diner? My husband thinks one meal should be it. If Lincoln doesn't eat, then too bad! He'll learn. Hmmm...
Song of the day - 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton. I danced around our cramped apartment bedroom, probably looking like an idiot while the song was playing on iTunes. Carter was literally laughing at me. It made me feel good.
Tonight's dinner - Tacos with homemade queso (Velveeta and Rotel). Yum!
Excitement #1 - We are moving into our new house next week! Yippee! Can't wait to get unpacked. Honey, if you are reading this...everything will have it's place in this house! No more piles on the dining room table! Got it?
Excitement #2 - We booked airline tickets last night for a romantic getaway to Florida in July! We are planning to go to Disney for two days - back to the scene of our awesome honeymoon. Dad has a hot tub at his house. Yeah boy! I am so excited. Oh, biggest news...the kids are staying with Mary! Best money we'll ever spend!
Baby is awake! Gotta do diaper duty.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
A Day at the Shore
You all know how much stress our family has been under this year (if not, see my last blog about everything that has happened in 2008). Well, this past weekend all the stress caught up to me and I was at the breaking point…at the edge looking over. I had totally lost control of my mind, body, and mouth, and things got out of hand. After an excruciatingly painful fight, my husband agreed that I needed to get away (my point to begin with, but who is keeping score?). He booked me 2 nights at the Northwood Inn, a bed and breakfast on the Jersey Shore. Through sobbing eyes, I stared blankly at the road ahead of me as the miles ticked past. I made it to the inn around 6 p.m. Thank God my support system (Mom, Dad, Clare, and Lauren) were available to talk and offer encouragement. The innkeeper mumbled a few house rules and then I carried my heavy little bag up three steep flights of stairs. I could barely carry myself at that point. I opened the door, found the bed, and collapsed.
That night was a blur, but I do remember soaking in the Jacuzzi tub twice before climbing into bed and closing my swollen eyes. I woke up at 2 and 5 a.m., my body clock set to the baby’s feeding times, but I blissfully went right back to sleep. I forced myself to get up at 9 to take advantage of the free homemade breakfast, which was delicious. After loving on the inn mascot, Harry the Poodle, I crawled back to bed until noon. Feeling almost human again, I walked to the beach and strolled down the boardwalk for a few hours, keenly aware of all the young families with their colorful strollers and their laughing children. They were having the family vacation I so longed for…time together away from the daily grind…time to have fun…time to feel frisky and romantic again, not like an old stale mom in a spit-up stained T-shirt. A highlight of the day came at Mack and Mankos Pizza. It was the best slice I ever tasted…just the perfect amount of sauce. While the pizza was incredible, I sat there alone feeling so small, like I wanted to say to everyone, “Hey, I have a family too. I have a husband who loves me and two great little boys at home.” It was like being in a bubble with life circling around you. All day I kept my cell phone in hand, hoping my husband would call and say he missed me, but his ring tone (our wedding song) never played. I thought about calling him hundreds of times, but convinced myself that we needed this day to reflect and to be apart. We needed time to miss each other. I needed time to remember why it is all worth it. I needed time to bring myself back.
After a few hours on the boardwalk, I went back to the inn and took another nap. Gosh, I never get an uninterrupted nap at home. It was heavenly. I was able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and while for only one day, it was undeniably therapeutic. While I was extremely aware of how alone I was feeling, it was that same feeling that healed me. I had the chance to be me again, not just mom or wife or teacher or sister or daughter or friend, but ME. I went back to the beach at sunset and this time I walked in the sand and got my feet wet in the ocean. I took in everything around me, my senses on overdrive…the smell of the salty water, the feel of the sand between my toes, the touch of the breeze on my face, and the sight of a lonely, but beautiful sandcastle. I finished the evening listening to the eclectic mix of music on my iPod… Prince’s “Purple Rain” was strangely like a warm familiar blanket drowning me in the sadness of his electric guitar, Hillsong’s “Shout to the Lord” was a tearjerker that reminded me of how powerful the Lord’s strength can be, Sade’s “No Ordinary Love” was an erotic explosion of yearning for my husband, and finally, Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb” summed up how I was feeling brilliantly. Although the lyrics to this classic tale of depression end with “the dream is gone”, the opposite was happening inside of me…my day at the shore was so much more…it was breathing new life into this tired soul.
So as I left the shore the next morning, I drove away with a rejuvenated spirit and a joyful heart. I was driving home to my husband and my precious babies. While still a bit saddened by the fight that landed me there, I will be forever grateful for my time away. It’s amazing what a day alone can do for you if you really open up and allow yourself to feel the array of emotions, and GET SOME SLEEP! It does wonders for your mind, body, and soul. It also doesn’t hurt if Antonio Banderas is waiting for you in dreamland! Just kidding, honey!
Gotta do diaper duty…with joy!
P.S. To my mother-in-law and father-in-law, a huge thank you goes out to you for being there for us in our time of need. This much needed break would not have been possible without you!
That night was a blur, but I do remember soaking in the Jacuzzi tub twice before climbing into bed and closing my swollen eyes. I woke up at 2 and 5 a.m., my body clock set to the baby’s feeding times, but I blissfully went right back to sleep. I forced myself to get up at 9 to take advantage of the free homemade breakfast, which was delicious. After loving on the inn mascot, Harry the Poodle, I crawled back to bed until noon. Feeling almost human again, I walked to the beach and strolled down the boardwalk for a few hours, keenly aware of all the young families with their colorful strollers and their laughing children. They were having the family vacation I so longed for…time together away from the daily grind…time to have fun…time to feel frisky and romantic again, not like an old stale mom in a spit-up stained T-shirt. A highlight of the day came at Mack and Mankos Pizza. It was the best slice I ever tasted…just the perfect amount of sauce. While the pizza was incredible, I sat there alone feeling so small, like I wanted to say to everyone, “Hey, I have a family too. I have a husband who loves me and two great little boys at home.” It was like being in a bubble with life circling around you. All day I kept my cell phone in hand, hoping my husband would call and say he missed me, but his ring tone (our wedding song) never played. I thought about calling him hundreds of times, but convinced myself that we needed this day to reflect and to be apart. We needed time to miss each other. I needed time to remember why it is all worth it. I needed time to bring myself back.
After a few hours on the boardwalk, I went back to the inn and took another nap. Gosh, I never get an uninterrupted nap at home. It was heavenly. I was able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and while for only one day, it was undeniably therapeutic. While I was extremely aware of how alone I was feeling, it was that same feeling that healed me. I had the chance to be me again, not just mom or wife or teacher or sister or daughter or friend, but ME. I went back to the beach at sunset and this time I walked in the sand and got my feet wet in the ocean. I took in everything around me, my senses on overdrive…the smell of the salty water, the feel of the sand between my toes, the touch of the breeze on my face, and the sight of a lonely, but beautiful sandcastle. I finished the evening listening to the eclectic mix of music on my iPod… Prince’s “Purple Rain” was strangely like a warm familiar blanket drowning me in the sadness of his electric guitar, Hillsong’s “Shout to the Lord” was a tearjerker that reminded me of how powerful the Lord’s strength can be, Sade’s “No Ordinary Love” was an erotic explosion of yearning for my husband, and finally, Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb” summed up how I was feeling brilliantly. Although the lyrics to this classic tale of depression end with “the dream is gone”, the opposite was happening inside of me…my day at the shore was so much more…it was breathing new life into this tired soul.
So as I left the shore the next morning, I drove away with a rejuvenated spirit and a joyful heart. I was driving home to my husband and my precious babies. While still a bit saddened by the fight that landed me there, I will be forever grateful for my time away. It’s amazing what a day alone can do for you if you really open up and allow yourself to feel the array of emotions, and GET SOME SLEEP! It does wonders for your mind, body, and soul. It also doesn’t hurt if Antonio Banderas is waiting for you in dreamland! Just kidding, honey!
Gotta do diaper duty…with joy!
P.S. To my mother-in-law and father-in-law, a huge thank you goes out to you for being there for us in our time of need. This much needed break would not have been possible without you!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Life Has Been Crazy!
Top Ten Reasons Why 2008 = STRESS
10. Bedrest due to pregnancy complications
9. Birth of Carter (although a joyous event, it added stress)
8. Getting no sleep! Feeding the baby at all hours.
7. Husband’s two trips to Texas, leaving me with the kids alone
6. House construction! Daycare lady in Iran, so I had both kids home during this time and we stayed with inlaws for a week (that part was actually fun, although it displaced us).
5. Giving away the dog (although we found him an awesome home)
4. Putting the house on the market (it sold in 4 hours, but then we wanted it back and couldn’t get it back)
3. Losing my job (being told my position was vacated/going without pay since March)
2. Losing daycare because it’s just too far from the new house and she doesn’t open early enough for my new job (high school starts much earlier)
1. Deciding NOT to go to Texas, moving into an apartment, house hunting (Husband and I almost killed each other), choosing a home, going through all the inspections, etc., and now moving again in 2 weeks. Oh, I forgot to add in husband’s vasectomy and subsequent ball pain! (Should I remind him of the combined 30+ hours of labor I went through?)
Top Ten Reasons Why 2008 = HAPPINESS
10. Lincoln is talking up a storm! Our worries of autism are over!
9. Husband got a new 2008 Dodge Charger with a V8 Hemi engine (yay, no more mold smell!)
8. Got to see dad and Clare after Carter’s birth & lots of visits by my mom.
7. Husband going back to patrol (which sucks, but it’s awesome because it means way more money!)
6. David Cook won American Idol!
5. My new job! High school here I come!!
4. Our new house!!!
3. Our health! We are all healthy, which is the biggest blessing.
2. The birth of Carter!!!
1. We are going to church! It feels so great to go to church (not to mention, the hour we get to spend without the kids while they are in Sunday School!) I love singing praise songs and hearing a great message. It really has been wonderful.
*Note - after reading this, my husband commented that going back to the road was not a positive thing because it means he will not see us as much. It will be difficult, but we will make it work, and there is the whole "more money" thing, which hopefully will make it worth it.
Gotta do diaper duty!
10. Bedrest due to pregnancy complications
9. Birth of Carter (although a joyous event, it added stress)
8. Getting no sleep! Feeding the baby at all hours.
7. Husband’s two trips to Texas, leaving me with the kids alone
6. House construction! Daycare lady in Iran, so I had both kids home during this time and we stayed with inlaws for a week (that part was actually fun, although it displaced us).
5. Giving away the dog (although we found him an awesome home)
4. Putting the house on the market (it sold in 4 hours, but then we wanted it back and couldn’t get it back)
3. Losing my job (being told my position was vacated/going without pay since March)
2. Losing daycare because it’s just too far from the new house and she doesn’t open early enough for my new job (high school starts much earlier)
1. Deciding NOT to go to Texas, moving into an apartment, house hunting (Husband and I almost killed each other), choosing a home, going through all the inspections, etc., and now moving again in 2 weeks. Oh, I forgot to add in husband’s vasectomy and subsequent ball pain! (Should I remind him of the combined 30+ hours of labor I went through?)
Top Ten Reasons Why 2008 = HAPPINESS
10. Lincoln is talking up a storm! Our worries of autism are over!
9. Husband got a new 2008 Dodge Charger with a V8 Hemi engine (yay, no more mold smell!)
8. Got to see dad and Clare after Carter’s birth & lots of visits by my mom.
7. Husband going back to patrol (which sucks, but it’s awesome because it means way more money!)
6. David Cook won American Idol!
5. My new job! High school here I come!!
4. Our new house!!!
3. Our health! We are all healthy, which is the biggest blessing.
2. The birth of Carter!!!
1. We are going to church! It feels so great to go to church (not to mention, the hour we get to spend without the kids while they are in Sunday School!) I love singing praise songs and hearing a great message. It really has been wonderful.
*Note - after reading this, my husband commented that going back to the road was not a positive thing because it means he will not see us as much. It will be difficult, but we will make it work, and there is the whole "more money" thing, which hopefully will make it worth it.
Gotta do diaper duty!
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