As I write this, my sweet husband is getting the snip snip surgery. Yes, there will now and forever be a permanent vacancy in my uterus. No more babies. I am finding this day actually quite bittersweet (mostly sad, not sweet). While I understand my husband’s argument for why we shouldn’t have more children (and I did completely, well mostly, agree with him), there is still a little part of me that is saddened by the fact that I will never have that feeling again. I know that I have two beautiful, healthy children, and I am so blessed and grateful to have them. I also know that women over 35 have higher risks for birth defects, which would be devastating. My pregnancies were certainly not easy. I didn’t enjoy pricking my finger five times a day to test my blood sugar, or giving myself three shots a day, but it was all worth it. I did it with pleasure because I had a little precious life growing inside of me. That was the best feeling I ever had. The mothers reading this know what I am talking about. I felt so alive, so special, and so beautiful. For once I didn’t feel fat, but yet round with new life. I felt like a real woman taking part in the absolute best job on Earth – bringing new life into this world, being a mother.
I know that having more children would be risky, and it would also put a financial strain on us. We can barely afford daycare as it is. And, I’m sure from my husband’s perspective, he would love to live with the girl he married, not the pregnant woman he has had to live with two out of the three years of our young marriage! I know it wasn’t easy worrying about whether or not I would eat my snack on time so that my blood sugar didn’t crash, or trying to please me at dinner time – I never wanted anything we had in the house. It wasn’t easy sleeping alone night after night because I preferred the twin bed in the guest room.
I know all the reasons why today’s surgery was the right choice, but somehow I feel like a little part of me is dying. I say this with a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat, but yet the silly side of me wants to write – RIP Uterus. Job well done!
Gotta go do diaper duty! (Ew, it's a stinky one!)
3 comments:
Aww, that is bittersweet :(
What a sad post! I totally know how you feel. Although J. didn't get the snip-snip we are done having kids. I feel like I really missed out, though. I only got to be pregnant one time, and being a twin pregnancy that attacked my thyroid, it was not a "normal" one at that. I am extremely blessed that I have 3 beautiful children, but I still to this day miss the feeling of being pregnant. I loved EVERY minute of it!!! Lots of hugs for you today.
That is a really sad post. But i dont feel bad lol he is the biggest baby ever. And responding to the last sentence was that dipper from lincoln or cater. cause if it was from carter then that was around 2 that you wrote this. lol
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